How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize