don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
