I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
