Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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