My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
