Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
