Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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