I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
