mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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