Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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