i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
