What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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