i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hippo gnu deer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
