Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
