Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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