I think i peed on brittanys purse
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
