i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
