Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
