Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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