There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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