He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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