I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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