I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
