I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
