Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
