I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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