You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
