I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
