i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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