Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
