Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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