You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
