mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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