i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
