There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
