sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
