We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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