The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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