the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
