There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
