She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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