I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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