The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dear god my vagina.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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