Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's never too late to be topless.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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