Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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