There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
