come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
