I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
