This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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