What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
