He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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