dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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