I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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