in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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