dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
