I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize