I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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