"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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