and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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