Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
