it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
