y did u give ur computer a hand job?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
