I think I died a long time ago.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
