barbara walters just said penis...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I understand Curling. That high.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
