Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
