So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
