I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I party with great urgency now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
