He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
where are you?
Hypothermia
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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