i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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