are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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