birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
