is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
