you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
