you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
